you’re being so cold and distant and sad right now, and knowing the reason why doesn’t make it hurt any less. i know you’re lonely, you miss me, nothing is easy right now. it kills me that you are so sad and that there’s nothing i can do to fix it. this is harder than either of us thought it would be. i just want to fly home and be with you and forget everything here, fuck school, fuck my job, fuck whatever. i know you want to tell me to come home but you don’t because you think i should be here and it means so much to me that you’re supportive but i don’t know. i love uvic, truly. more than i knew i could love a school. but i’m really not sure it’s worth staying for anymore when it’s the only thing here making me happy and there are so many things in calgary that make me happy. i don’t know. i really don’t know what to do. i don’t want to make any decisions until i know my exam schedule, until i know whether or not my dad will be able to come get me and my stuff. i don’t want to be lonely, i don’t want YOU to be lonely, so far nothing good has come out of this situation and that’s what makes it feel like it’s not worth it. it’s just not an easy decision to make because there are so many things that factor into it.  all i need is your patience, just hold on a little longer, wait it out with me, i promise i’ll have made a decision by the time you get here in november. it’s only a little bit longer.

i love you so much. i’m sorry i’m putting you through all of this, i’m sorry i’m making it harder than it ever needed to be.